Words Are Just Words

“Words, he decided, were inadequate at best, impossible at worst. They meant too many things. Or they meant nothing at all.” 

― Patricia A. McKillip, In the Forests of Serre

We supply the meaning.

Why is this important?

I look back at times I entered into relationships, believing we both wanted the same thing, and discovered that was not quite so. We both said we wanted a relationship yet what that meant was different to each of us. Our meaning of the exact same word was completely different.

How can that be? Isn't it the same exact word? Doesn't it have one definition in the dictionary?

This past May I attended an NLP Practitioner Certification Training. If you are not familiar with NLP (short for Neuro-Linguistic Programming) it is a fancy to call a process of modeling success. In NLP we model the successful behavior in one person and recreate it in order to create success in another. You find the "how-to" of successful people and apply their formula to create your own success.

NLP is also known as the study of excellence in communication. Language is key here. The language we use to speak to ourselves and to others.

I participated in an interesting exercise to demonstrate that words are just words and we supply the meaning behind them. Until I did this exercise I had a fairly tenuous grasp on that really meant.

The exercise is simple. Select a word, say relationship and write down five words that express what relationship means to you.

Relationship:
Commitment
Closeness
Intimacy
Respect
Appreciation

Next we compared answers. No one had the same five words. Frequently people would share one single word in their unique meaning combination, less frequent was two shared words, fewer yet were three shared words. I do not recall a single instance where anyone had four or five words that matched.

That's because words are just words and we supply the meaning.

Think about it next time you argue with someone about what they meant. You just might be applying your own meaning and that does not necessarily have anything to do with theirs.

Understanding this now I find myself asking people "what does that mean to you?" more often. I have learned to dig a bit deeper. To not make assumptions.

So the next time someone uses a word you don't agree with, remember you are supplying the meaning.

Journaling and Gratitude

“You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” 

— Sarah Ban Breathnach

Keeping a gratitude journal is a powerful practice to bring attention to what our blessings are in the present moment. Taking the time to sit down, focus on what you do have, and intentionally feel those feelings of gratitude is the beginning of a habit that becomes self-fulfilling.

I have kept a gratitude journal in many different forms for the past 8 years. In the beginning it was a sporadic practice in a notebook, on for a week, off for a month or more, then back to it again. Today it is effortless, a practice as ingrained in my day as is oil pulling, flossing and brushing my teeth. Instead of a notebook I use a digital app, the result of this change being consistency. I have tried quite a few apps and continued searching for one that is just right for me.

It seems I have found it. It is free, which is even better. This app is called Stigma.

This app is not gratitude specific, it is more of a journal. You can use it to journal about any number of things. Successes. Changes. Growth. Counting your blessings.

What I like in particular about Stigma:

• Tagging journal entries with emotions #grateful #happy #calm
• Anonymously sharing entries and seeing shared entries
• Searching entries by specific emotions #excited
• Liking entries
• Choosing to journal anonymously or privately
• Adding photos to remember a particularly good moment
• Weekly recapping of your entries via email
• Word cloud showing your most frequently tagged emotions

When I made that firm commitment to keep a gratitude journal for thirty days straight I noticed it become easier and easier to be grateful. Even on the worst day I can be grateful for breathing, for seeing, for hearing, for getting out of bed.

Some of the surprising changes I noticed in myself as practicing gratitude became a way of life is an effortless appreciation for the little things in life. I notice when parking spots magically open up, the green lights I catch.

One day I heard myself say out loud, "Thank you Universe for the green light, I'll take some more ..." In that moment I realized how far I had come and how much had really changed. Thi is how practicing gratitude became self-fulfilling for me. Back there in my mind my reticular activating system is on the lookout for anything there is to be grateful for. It skillfully points it all out to me.

The more you do it, the more there is to be grateful for. The more you see the things that are already all around you to be grateful for. Try it for thirty days. You never know, you just might be grateful you did.